Don't wrap your kids in cotton wool, 3 powerful reasons to foster independence

There’s such a strong instinct in us as parents to protect our children at all costs — and while that comes from a place of deep love, I’ve seen how it can sometimes hold our kids back.

In this episode, I’m sharing three powerful reasons why raising independent kids is so important — and why wrapping them in cotton wool can actually stop them from developing crucial life skills like resilience, self-trust and problem-solving.

I’ll walk you through gentle, practical ways to help your child take age-appropriate risks, build confidence, and grow into capable, independent people.

As always, I’ll share honest, relatable stories from my own parenting journey, along with tips you can start using straight away.

🌟 Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• Why shielding our children from discomfort can limit their growth
• How to introduce risk in a safe, age-appropriate way
• What to say when your child experiences disappointment or failure
• The emotional and developmental benefits of encouraging independence
• How small moments of responsibility build long-term resilience

🔧 Practical strategies I talk about:

• Staying calm when your child pushes boundaries — especially near roads or in risky situations
• Using natural consequences instead of threats or punishment
• Getting your child involved in decision-making to build cooperation and awareness
• Modelling how to learn from your own real-life mistakes

🎙️ Question of the Week: “My child refuses to hold my hand near roads or in car parks, and I’m terrified he’ll run off — what should I do?”

I share a balanced response that focuses on keeping your child safe while also supporting their independence and decision-making skills.

📌 Links and Resources: Want to go deeper with this work? You can apply for my transformational 1:1 coaching package — start with a free discovery call.

Free guide: How to Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging or Shouting

Follow me on Instagram for more tips and encouragement.

TRANSCRIPT:

Why We Mustn’t Wrap Our Kids in Cotton Wool – 3 Powerful Reasons to Start Letting Go
Watch out! Be careful! Don’t do that, it’s dangerous! Don’t be silly—you can’t do that by yourself… let me do it.

If you’re like most of the parents I work with, you want your child to feel secure, happy, protected. Naturally, we want to keep them safe — emotionally, physically, socially. That’s completely normal.

But here’s the rub: sometimes, in our efforts to protect, we actually hold our children back and do more harm than good.

That’s why today’s episode will be so helpful. I’ll share three important reasons we shouldn’t wrap our children in cotton wool — and what we can do instead. I’ll give you practical examples and, by the end, I hope you’ll feel more confident in letting your child take small but meaningful steps towards independence.

I’ll also be answering a listener question at the end about what to do when your child refuses to hold your hand near roads.

Why This Topic Matters
Let me start with a story. I once worked with a mum, Sarah, who had a bright, lovely 8-year-old son. Through our conversation, she realised she was doing so much for him — laying out his clothes, constantly reminding him about homework, even correcting his answers, and rushing in anything he forgot to school.

She said, “But Camilla… if I don’t do it, I’m worried he’ll get in trouble. I’m just trying to help him.”

And I get that. I really do. But what I helped her see was this: every time she stepped in, she was robbing him of a learning opportunity. He wasn’t learning responsibility, time management, or problem-solving. He was learning that mum would always swoop in.

Eventually, he stopped trying — and didn’t feel capable of being more independent.

That’s what I want to talk about today: how we can lovingly step back so our children can step up.

Reason 1: Kids Need to Learn How to Cope with Discomfort
One of the hardest things for us as parents is seeing our children struggle.

Whether it’s a toddler crying because they can’t get their shoe on, or a 10-year-old upset about not making the football team — our instinct is to protect and ease their pain.

Comfort is important — but constantly rescuing them becomes a problem. Why? Because they miss the chance to develop resilience.

Resilience means bouncing back from setbacks, tolerating frustration, and realising that big emotions are okay.

Let’s say your child doesn’t get picked for a team. It’s tempting to step in: talk to the coach, get extra training, or even minimise their feelings. But here’s what’s more helpful: offering empathy and reflection.

Try saying:

“Oh no, I bet that was frustrating. You’d really hoped you’d make it this time. It feels SO disappointing when these things happen, doesn’t it?”

That’s when learning and problem-solving happen.

Reason 2: Overprotection Sends the Message That the World Is Dangerous
This one is subtle — but powerful.

When we constantly hover, micromanage, and say things like “Be careful!” or “Don’t touch that!” we’re telling our kids, “The world is risky, and you’re not capable.”

Of course, safety matters — but calibrated risk is key.

Start small:

Let them walk a bit ahead in the park

Let your 4-year-old ask for something in a shop

Allow your 6-year-old to decide when it’s safe to cross (with you nearby)

Let your 7-year-old make toast (they might burn it, and that’s okay!)

These small risks build confidence and capability.

A mum I worked with shared how her 6-year-old started packing her school bag. She forgot her reading book once — but never again. That’s real growth.

Reason 3: Independence Builds Long-Term Confidence and Emotional Strength
Parenting isn’t just about the now — it’s about raising adults.

When we do everything for our kids, we teach them to doubt themselves. But when we step back, we give them space to develop:

• Problem-solving
• Emotional regulation
• Perseverance
• Initiative
• Self-trust

Confidence comes from doing, not from perfection.

Get them involved early:

“Red cup or blue cup?”

“Here’s a small jug — you can pour your own juice.”

Later:

“How will you organise your homework this week?”

“What do you want to make for lunch?”

Contribution also builds confidence:

• Tidying toys
• Feeding the dog
• Setting the table

Yes, it’s faster to do it yourself — but that’s not the point. They’re building competence — and that’s where confidence grows.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Stepping Back Entirely
I’m not saying leave your child to figure everything out alone.

Think of it like teaching them to ride a bike:

First, you hold tight

Then just a light touch

Then you let go… they wobble, maybe fall, but eventually — they ride

That’s what healthy independence looks like.

Some Practical Tips to Get You Started
If you’re wondering where to start, here are a few ideas:

Notice what they could do for themselves — even if you’d do it faster

Let natural consequences teach — kindly, without shame

Get comfortable with mess and risk — growth happens there

Celebrate courage, not perfection — “You were brave to try that!”

Model your own learning — “I missed the train today. Next time, I’ll leave earlier!”

Question of the Week: What If My Child Refuses to Hold My Hand Near Roads?
This is such a common — and very valid — concern.

I know how terrifying it is when your child won’t hold your hand near traffic. But here's what I suggest:

First, stay calm. I know that’s hard — but your calm is their calm.

Next, involve them in the plan:

“We’re walking to school. There are safe parts and unsafe parts. I’ll need to hold your hand for the busy bits, but when it’s quiet, I’ll let go again.”

Ask:

“How will we know when it’s safe to cross?”
“What should we do in the car park?”

If they run off?

“That shows me you’re not quite ready to walk alone. Next time, you’ll need to hold my hand for longer.”

That’s not a punishment — it’s a natural consequence. You’re keeping them safe while teaching responsibility.

Final Thoughts
Letting go — even just a little — is hard. But holding on too tightly holds them back.

Let’s raise children who are brave, capable, and independent. Kids who know that if they fall, they can get back up.

That’s what love and boundaries can do.

Thank you so much for listening. If this episode resonated, please share it, or leave a review. And if you want more tools on raising confident, independent kids, check the show notes for my free guide or book a discovery call to explore my coaching programme.

Until next time — take care, and keep parenting with love and boundaries.