How to handle your kids tantrums without losing your cool

Do your child’s tantrums leave you feeling frazzled and unsure of what to do? Whether your child is a toddler or a bit older, big emotions can be overwhelming for both kids and parents. In this episode, parenting expert Camilla McGill shares her personal experiences and practical tools for handling tantrums with empathy and boundaries.

Camilla dives into three actionable strategies that can help you guide your child through emotional storms while maintaining your composure. She also busts the myth that tantrums are only for toddlers and tackles a listener’s question about whether ignoring tantrums is the best approach. Spoiler: it’s not! You’ll learn why connection and validation are key to calming your child and building their emotional regulation skills.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• Stay Calm Yourself: Why your calm presence is the foundation for helping your child regulate their emotions.
• Validate Their Feelings: The power of acknowledging your child’s emotions without judgment, even when they’re hard to like.
• Practice Regulation Skills Outside the Moment: Techniques to help your child build self-soothing habits before emotions run high.
• Avoid Common Mistakes: Why dismissing feelings and reasoning mid-meltdown can backfire.
• Answer to the Week’s Question: Why ignoring tantrums does more harm than good, and how to respond effectively.

Episode Highlights with Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction: Camilla’s Playground Tantrum Story
02:20 Myth-Busting: Tantrums Aren’t Just for Toddlers
05:10 Strategy 1: Stay Calm Yourself
09:00 Strategy 2: Validate Their Feelings
12:30 Strategy 3: Practice Emotional Regulation Outside the Moment
15:15 Question of the Week: Should You Ignore Tantrums?
19:40 Two Common Mistakes to Avoid
22:10 Recap and Resources

Resources for Parents:

• Download 10 Tried and Tested Ways to Manage Tantrums and Mood Swings for free:10 Tried and Tested Ways to Manage Tantrums
• Book a discovery call for personalised support: Discovery Call with Camilla 

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Episode Transcript

I vividly remember my oldest son having a tantrum in the playground, in front of all the other parents and I wanted the ground to open up.  Everyone stared at me and I felt so judged. He started kicking me, he spat and he threw his coat on the ground and stamped on it. I felt paralysed. I literally had no idea how to react and It was at that point that I realised, I wanted to learn a new way of parenting - that was almost 25 years ago. One of the most important things I learnt was to tell myself, these people might be judging me or they might be empathising with me, either way, my child’s needs are far more important than anyone else’s opinions. If you’re listening, then I hope that’s what you want, to learn a new way of parenting.

So today we’re diving into a topic that not only had me feeling paralysed, but it comes up time and time again with the parents I work with: Calming the storm, handling big emotions and tantrums in children. But first, 

Now, tantrums are often thought of as something only toddlers experience. I work with parents of kids under the age of 12 and let me tell you, plenty of them report that their children still have tantrums—and they’re not sure how to handle them. If that sounds familiar, you’re in the right place. Today, I’ll give you practical tools to calm the storm when emotions run high. I’ll be covering the myth around tantrums and 3 practical strategies to help you manage the tantrums in a way that is empathetic and holds the boundaries.

Before we dive in, I want to introduce this week’s Question of the Week. A parent recently asked me: “My mother tells me I need to ignore my child’s tantrums because he’s only looking for attention. Is that true?” That’s such an important question, and I’ll be answering it at the end of this episode, so stay tuned. 

Here’s a myth - A child over the age of 4 shouldn’t have tantrums (2 minutes)

I’m going to tell you something, That’s not true. Even as kids get older, they can struggle with big emotions and have meltdowns when things don’t go their way. For example, my client Andrea’s  six-year-old daughter gets so  frustrated over losing a board game she can’t let her play any more, or another client’s their nine-year-old threw his bat down and stormed off the cricket pitch when he was bowled out. It all comes back to their emotional regulation skills—or lack of them.

Kids of all ages need help managing their feelings, and the strategies we’ll talk about today work just as well for older children as they do for toddlers. So, let’s get into the practical ways you can support your child when they’re overwhelmed.

Here are three strategies to help you handle big emotions and tantrums like a pro:

1. First up - Stay Calm Yourself I know you’re going to tell me, you would be calm if your kid didn’t have tantrums, I get it, I’ve been there, It’s natural to feel triggered when your child is melting down, especially if you’re in public or running late. But staying calm is key.
   Sometimes a mantra can help here. Something like ‘I’ve got this’ or ‘He’s HAVING a tough time, I’m here to help’  Help doesn’t mean we have to stop the tantrum, just we need to support our child through this tough moment. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that this is an opportunity to guide your child through a tough moment. You could try the finger-tracing technique—use one hand to trace the fingers of your other hand slowly, breathing deeply as you go. This not only helps you stay composed but also models calmness for your child. Remember to hit subscribe or follow to get more tips like this
2. When our child is having a tantrum, here’s the second way to help - Acknowledge Their Feelings You might be thinking ‘But I don’t like these feelings, greed,  jealousy or being a bad sport is not a feeling I want to encourage, so let me tell you something. We don’t have to like the feeling to validate it. But it’s not going to help our child to try to shame them out if it.
   This might sound like For example, say your child is upset because they didn’t get to go first in a game. You might say, “I can see how upset you are. You love to win and you feel so frustrated when your sister wins.  Or  You really wanted hit the ball and feel proud of yourself. It’s a horrible feeling to be out first ball. Using a warm tone and matching their emotional energy helps them feel understood. It’s not about fixing the problem right away; it’s about connecting with them. They also need us to stick to the boundaries. They might be screaming loudly in a shop for an ice cream, we’re tempted to buy it, even though we’ve said no, just to shut them up, but actually what they really need is for us to stay calm, validate their feelings and hold the boundary. That might mean carrying them outside screaming but we can do that in a compassionate way.  If you like this and want more, I have a free guide on dealing with tantrums and moodswings, go to www.myparentingsolutions.com/tantrums or see below 
3. Here’s the third way to help tantrums, Practice emotional regulation away from the moment. THink of this like practicing for a sport.  My daughter was a gymnast, she had to practice walking on the beam over and over so that when she was emotionally charged in a competition, her body remembered how to do it.   Every child is different, so finding what works for yours is essential. One of my clients discovered that jumping up and down on the spot helped her daughter calm down. They practiced this regularly outside of tantrum moments, so when a meltdown happened, it became something her mother could get her to do. For your child, it might be a sensory toy, deep breathing exercises, or even a hug. The key is to practice these calming methods when they’re calm so they’re ready to use when emotions run high.

Now, let’s go back to this week’s Question of the Week. A parent asked, “My mother tells me I need to ignore my child’s tantrums because he’s only looking for attention. Is that true?”

Here’s the thing: while some children do seek attention, ignoring them isn’t the answer—and here’s why. Ignoring a tantrum can make your child feel unseen and unheard. When children don’t feel connected, their distress can escalate, and they might resort to even more extreme behaviour to get your attention. Tantrums are often a signal that your child is overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to cope. By ignoring them, you miss an opportunity to teach emotional regulation and to build trust.

Instead, focus on validating their emotions. For example, you could say, “I can see you’re upset right now because you wanted more playtime.” This helps them feel seen and understood, which is often what they truly need.

At the same time, you can set clear boundaries. Acknowledge their feelings but be firm about unacceptable behaviour, like hitting or screaming excessively. Remember, attention-seeking isn’t a bad thing—it’s a sign your child needs connection and guidance. By engaging with them in a calm and supportive way, you’re showing them that their feelings matter and that there’s a healthy way to express them. If this resonates and want more, get my free guide on dealing with tantrums and moodswings, go to www.myparentingsolutions.com/tantrums or see below

Here are two common mistakes to avoid when handling big emotions. First, don’t dismiss your child’s feelings. Saying, “It’s not a big deal, stop crying” can make them feel unheard. Instead, acknowledge their emotions and empathize with their perspective.

Second, don’t try to reason with them mid-meltdown. When emotions are high, kids aren’t in a state to process logic. Focus on connection first, then address the issue later when they’re calm. Hit like or follow if you agree

To recap, here are three key steps for managing big emotions:

• Stay calm and regulate yourself first - remember kids are sponges for our feelings and if we can work on ways to stay calm, it will help them enormously.
• Validate your child’s feelings with warmth and empathy - this doesn’t mean we give into the tantrum and buy them the ice cream they want but it does mean they feel heard..
• Use calming techniques to soothe their nervous system.

Parenting through tantrums isn’t easy, but with practice, you can handle these moments with confidence and compassion. If you’d like more strategies, check out my free guide at myparentingsolutions.com/tantrums for 10 tried-and-tested ways to manage tantrums and mood swings.

Thanks for tuning in to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries! Don’t forget to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. See you next time!