Is Your Toddler Hitting, Snatching or Lashing Out? Here’s How to Handle It

Few things feel as overwhelming as watching your child hit, bite, or lash out—especially in public. The embarrassment, the judgment from other parents, the pressure to make them say sorry… it can leave you feeling lost and frustrated.
In this episode, I sit down with Katy, a mum navigating these challenges with her lively three-year-old son, Leo. Together, we unpack why toddlers act out physically, what’s really happening in their little brains, and—most importantly—how to respond in a way that actually helps them learn to manage their emotions.
🔹 Why kids hit, bite, or lash out—and what’s really going on in their minds
🔹 How to respond in the moment without making things worse
🔹 The truth about forcing apologies (and what to do instead)
🔹 Practical strategies to help your child regulate their emotions over time
🔹 How to handle judgment from other parents and trust your approach
If you've ever worried about your child's aggression or felt unsure how to handle those intense moments, this conversation is for you. You'll walk away with practical, compassionate strategies to guide your child through their big emotions—without punishments or power struggles.

🎧 Tune in now and discover how to support your child while staying calm and confident.

00:00 Introduction to Today's Topic: Navigating Toddler Emotions
01:55 Meet Katy and Leo: Understanding Their Challenges
04:09 Addressing Violent Outbursts: Strategies and Insights
09:05 The Importance of Emotional Validation
11:18 Practical Tips for Managing Toddler Behavior
13:52 Building Emotional Regulation Skills
17:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

🔗 Need more support? Find out about my Private Coaching Package and Book a free discovery call here 

 📌 10 Tried-and-Tested Solutions for Managing Tantrums - Grab my free guide: myparentingsolutions.com/tantrums

TRANSCRIPT:

Episode 20 – Coaching Session with Katy

Introduction

Today I'm talking with Katy, mum to two girls and a lively, gorgeous two-year-old boy, Leo. Like many parents of toddlers, Katy and her wife Lara are navigating Leo's big feelings. And it's actually not just toddlers that have these big feelings. Sometimes they're in the form of temper tantrums, and often in the form of physical aggression towards other children—sometimes even towards parents and possibly siblings.

I really understand how challenging this can be, because I've been there myself. I vividly remember the excruciating embarrassment and isolation that I felt when my eldest son was the same age and would lash out at other kids, particularly in playgroup and social situations. It seemed like it was just because he wanted a toy—it was really overwhelming. And honestly, I just didn't know what to do until I reached out to a parenting coach.

In this episode, I give Katy some insight into why this behaviour happens and offer practical coaching on how to respond in ways that help both Leo and make things feel more manageable for Katy and Lara.

Meet Katy and Leo

Katy: Well, thank you very much for having me. It's a pleasure to talk to you and hopefully get some advice on these issues. So, as you said, Leo is a lovely, lively little boy. He has always dealt with being dysregulated through violent outbursts. It started when he was probably about one, and he would do a lot of biting.

We had a lot of reports from the childminder that others in the setting had been hurt by him. That became quite challenging. He has improved significantly as he’s grown and is able to regulate better, but he still lashes out when his emotions peak.

Typical places this happens are in soft play or at a playgroup if there’s a toy he really wants, or at home when he feels ownership over something. He’s got two older sisters, and the middle one usually gets the brunt of it. She has long blonde hair—it’s easy to grab and yank.

How It Feels as a Parent

When I see him do it, there’s a slight embarrassment on my part. I try really hard not to pass that on because I recognise he doesn’t have impulse control and isn’t doing this to be malicious. But there’s usually a crying child in pain, so I feel obligated to stop it and address the other child too.

Sometimes I get him to make amends—he might give a plaster or a kiss, though that’s not always what the other child wants. But he understands it was wrong.

The Pressure to Say Sorry

Sometimes other adults insist he says sorry. You can see him recoil, and it makes things worse—he gets very angry when pushed to say it.

Difficult Public Moments

Yes, I’ve had accusing parents. Once in a charity shop, Leo just walked up and hit a much older child. The dad said, “Your kid just hit my kid” and then tried to discipline Leo himself. I was so cross. Another time at football, Leo kept kicking other kids’ footballs out of the hoop and a mum kept telling him to stop.

I’m constantly trying to balance my need to support Leo with managing others’ expectations. There’s this belief that unless you tell your child off, you’re not addressing it properly. But I know he gets emotionally overwhelmed and quickly dysregulated.

Understanding the Behaviour

When I work with parents, we often talk about two things: how we deal with it in the moment, and how we build the muscle of emotional regulation over time.

In the moment, the first thing I say is: "For you to snatch that toy or hit someone shows me you're really upset about something. You wanted that truck and didn’t know how else to get it."

That validation is so important. Don’t say “but.” Say, "And you didn’t know how to do it kindly." Taking him out of the spotlight really helps too.

If he’s calm enough, we can help him make amends—not just for the other child’s sake but for his. He will feel guilty even if we think he won’t. He’s heard you say a hundred times, “Don’t hit.” He knows it’s wrong.

Building Emotional Regulation Over Time

Then there’s the long game. Role play with him. Say, “Imagine I’ve got the toy you want.” Let him practise stomping his feet or grabbing you instead of hitting.

When you see the glint in his eye—when you suspect he’s about to strike—whisper to him: “I see he’s got the truck you want. What could we do?” Try to catch him just before it happens.

Final Thoughts

When I work with parents, we build these tools gradually. This episode gives just a snapshot. If anyone listening wants support, they can book a free discovery call with me at myparentingsolutions.com. There’s also a free tantrum guide at myparentingsolutions.com/tantrums.

Katy’s Reflection

Katy: That’s really helpful. Teaching him what else he could do makes sense—we haven’t done that. And knowing that it’s improved gives us hope. I don’t think he’ll still be doing this at school, but it is hard.

Having girls first, we didn’t expect this. It’s a shock. I’ve wondered, “Will he end up in prison?” It sounds ridiculous, but it feels that serious sometimes. And you’re right—some of the tools just don’t occur to us.

Camilla: Yes. There are nuances, different strategies for different kids. But I’m so glad this gave you support and reassurance. It’s very isolating when others judge you, and it makes you question everything.

Katy: Yes, that’s the hardest bit. Trying to meet Leo’s needs and deal with the expectations of other adults. But it’s reassuring to hear this is normal.

Camilla: He’s a loving little boy who struggles with regulating his emotions. This is just how it shows up for him. I hope today gave you confidence. Other parents may judge, but your child is what matters.

Katy: That’s a hard lesson, but yes, thank you so much.

Camilla: Thank you for being willing to share your story. And thank you to all the listeners. Please subscribe, tell your friends, and if you can, leave a review. You’ve been listening to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries with me, Camilla McGill.